Mom sitting with child on the ground with a map: enjoy mom life

How NOT to Enjoy Mom Life More (Sarcasm Included)

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Last Updated on October 21, 2023 by Samantha Flores

Hello, all you overachieving, stress-addicted mamas out there! If you’re looking to absolutely tank your experience as a mom and not savor a single precious moment, you’ve landed on the right blog post. Let’s get right into my guide on how not to enjoy mom life. Buckle up, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride!

10 Ways to Not Enjoy Mom Life

Most moms want to be the best for their family. There are ways to do that don’t include using the following ways to not enjoy mom life.

1. Never Sleep. Ever.

Who needs sleep, right? Hallucinations from sleep deprivation are just like watching a free movie inside your own head! Besides, those dark circles under your eyes? hat’s just nature’s way of giving you that smoky eye look you’ve always wanted.

2. Try to Be a Supermom

Let’s be clear. Every other mom on Instagram has a perfect life, and if you can’t keep up, then what are you even doing? Always remember that homemade organic snacks, DIY crafts, and a spotless house are more important than sanity. Priorities, people!

3. Compare. Compare. And Compare

Jane’s toddler can recite the alphabet backward while standing on one foot? Well, why isn’t yours doing that yet? Ensure you measure your child’s accomplishments based solely on what others are doing. It’s the best way to suck all the joy out of your child’s unique milestones.

4. Ditch Self-care

You remember that person you used to be before diapers and midnight lullabies, right? Forget her! The idea of taking some time for yourself, whether it’s reading, pampering, or just zoning out? Utterly preposterous!

5. Give Up on Your Goals

Those travel nurse jobs that will enable you to help people and see more of the country? Forget about it until the kids leave home. That novel you always wanted to write? No way, you have diapers to change. If you want to ensure you don’t enjoy motherhood, then give up on your life goals and dreams right now.

6. Expect Everything to Be Perfect

Because life with kids is always picture-perfect, right? Tantrums in the grocery store, muddy footprints on the carpet, and the surprise artwork on your walls are just signs that you’re failing, not that you have a lively kid with a mind of their own.

7. Don’t Trust Anyone

Oh, someone offers to babysit so you can have a night out? No way! Remember, no one can handle your kids the way you can. Ignore the fact that a break might actually make you a more rejuvenated parent.

8. Dismiss Every Compliment

If someone praises your parenting skills, be sure to brush it off and provide a list of all the ways you messed up this week. This is essential in ensuring you always feel not quite good enough.

9. Say ‘Yes’ to Everything

Bake sale at school? Yes. Volunteering for every event? Of course! Filling every second of your day with obligations? Absolutely. Who needs downtime anyway?

10. Always Assume the Worst

Your kiddo sneezes? It’s definitely a rare, incurable tropical disease. They’re quiet for five minutes? They must’ve painted a mural with spaghetti sauce in the living room. Life’s more fun when you jump to the most dramatic conclusion, right?

The Best Ways to Enjoy Mom Life Instead

Or, you know, you could just not do any of this and actually have an enjoyable 18 years bringing up your babies? Just a thought!