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The time came for my husband and me to get to that next chapter in our relationship. We had been married for a couple of years, established ourselves in some great career positions, and felt that we were ready for another journey. The journey we had hoped for was the parenthood journey! Now was the time to stop the birth control and just have some fun. Pregnancy would come after the birth control had worn off and we would soon be sharing the news with our loved ones that we were expecting!
Unfortunately, our journey to pregnancy did not go so flawlessly. After deciding to start a family, I talked it over with my doctor and made sure I was in good health. I even went to the dentist to make sure my oral health was where it needed to be before conceiving. I covered all my bases to make sure that I would be the perfect host for a growing life. But, nothing happened.
13 months after stopping birth control and trying to convince, nothing happened. Each month waiting to see if my period would come or not was torture. Every little twinkling feeling of nausea brought me hope that I was possibly pregnant. Every noticeable twitch and twinge of my body sent my mind spiraling and off I went to Google to research if this or that meant I was pregnant. I read other women’s testimony about how they felt when they were early in their pregnancy and nearly convinced myself that I was having the same symptoms that they had so that must mean I’m pregnant, right? And month after month, I was met with disappointment. Why wasn’t this happening for us?
It was not easy to come to terms with the knowledge that we needed to seek medical assistance if we wanted a baby. Once you’ve accepted this truth, so much happens in your mind and you start to question things: is there something wrong with me? Is there something going on with my husband? What if we need extensive interference? Are we ever going to have a baby?
After having a couple of doctor appointments and going over our 13 month history of trying to conceive, we were referred to a fertility specialist. We completed all the tests and exams. My husband’s results were all in normal ranges, but I was diagnosed with infertility. This was a hard hit to my self-esteem and to my womanhood. This wasn’t supposed to be this hard! I had done everything the “right way” so why was I being faced with such a challenge? Of course, I couldn’t control what my body was doing which was even more frustrating. Apparently, my body wasn’t ovulating regularly making it difficult for us to conceive.
Once we confirmed the diagnosis, the fertility specialist went over several options for us and suggested the next steps to take in our attempt to conceive. Then came the financial consultation which was probably the most stressful part of it all. Insurance companies only pay for certain things and unfortunately, getting pregnant with medical intervention methods isn’t exactly an inexpensive procedure. But if this is what we needed to do to have our family, all of the options needed to be considered.
As soon as we had all the information we needed to make the next decision, we decided that we wanted to move forward with the next steps to having a family. This meant adding and removing things from my diet, changing my exercise routine, taking vitamins, and adding in medication to help my body regulate itself. We were given a certain time limit to see if each method of intervention worked and if not, we would need to go to the next step and so on. As much as I was told not to stress and to relax to better our chances, it was not easy to do during this time with all the time constraints plus side effects of the medication. We needed this to work and I felt like it was my fault that we were having to go through such a process for our baby.
Each day that passed, my husband and I prayed and sought comfort in each other that this would happen for us. We didn’t know when but we knew we would hold our own baby someday. We imagined what he or she would look like, we played around with baby names, and we pictured those perfect family days at the park playing with our son or daughter. Those were such sweet and emotional moments for us. We didn’t lose faith, but we admittedly had those “what if” thoughts (we are only human afterall).
A year and a half later and here I am, watching our sweet baby boy crawling around on the floor and cruising the furniture as I type this. That is what makes this post so much more special to me knowing that he is here because of our love for each other and our dedication to having a family. I only hope that if we do decide to continue growing our family that the next time around is easier. Here’s to parenthood, motherhood, and lots of baby giggles!
What is your TTC story?