The Struggle

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Today was a test of my patience and abilities as I learn to understand the responsibilities of my new position. I don’t want to dwell on negativity, but this day impacted me so much that I felt the need to journal about it and decide what to do to turn the day around. Recently, my position at work changed and it was a decision that I did not agree with. I challenged the decision (respectfully, of course), but in the end, I was moved to a different position. Change can be a good thing, but I am a stubborn person and I have this plan in my mind that I want to follow. Heaven forbid this plan gets interrupted! I probably spend more energy dwelling on the fact that my plan is ruined than I should, but hey, that’s just me being me.
Back to today… Friday was my official first day in this new position, but I hadn’t truly begun diving into my new duties until today. First off, I had been in another position for over two years and I knew that job pretty well. This new position was different than what I had been doing and I felt that I have not had adequate training for this new position, which makes me feel incompetent. Today, many questions were asked of me by the new people that look to me for direction and I just could not answer them. It’s not that I didn’t want to help them; I legitimately just did not know how to help them. And being the perfectionist that I am, this did not sit well within and I began to doubt myself.
Once I’m in the stage of self-doubting, it’s pretty difficult to talk me out of it. My husband, being the supportive man that he is, tried to offer words of encouragement as I vented my frustrations to him and had a pity party. He ended up just listening to the gripping and offered a smile or two here and there when I paused to take a breath. After spending part of the day acting like a toddler, I decided to do something about my frame of mind.
I realized that I was not the only person who was involuntarily moved to a new position and I knew for sure that I was not the only one who was unhappy with this change. I also knew that there was a support system already set up with my new co-workers that I could reach out to and they were willing to help me as they understood this new position of mine would be difficult to get used to. I just needed to reach out and ask for the help. So, that’s what I did! It’s silly now to me that I spent part of my day angry and frustrated when all I needed to do was ask for their help and guidance. But, there is a part of me that fears rejection from others and also feels that I would be inconveniencing others by asking for their help. Apparently, I’m just going to have to get over that otherwise I’ll have more days like today coming up in my future.
Clearly, I was not as prepared for this new position emotionally like I thought I was. I had about five weeks to get used to the idea that I was being moved and I thought that would have been enough time for me to accept this. I think that when you’re so passionate about doing something and have dedicated so much time and energy into succeeding in that position, it’s hard to accept when someone tells you it’s over now, time to move on. Yes, moving on or gaining experience in another capacity is great, but I just felt so blindsided by all of it and needed time to throw a fit about it. Now that I got that out of my system, hopefully I can truly move on from my negative thoughts and realize that the plans I make for my life aren’t always going to go according to the map. This isn’t the first rock that has been thrown into my path in life. You’d think I’d be able to cope with changes in life more effectively by now, but nope. I blame genetics! 😉
Anyways, today has been a day of learning and one that I won’t waste. I choose to learn from it and move on to make myself more productive and less dramatic. No promises, but at least I’m making the effort! One day, I’ll be able to be as calm as my cat (pictured below) during times of struggle.
What methods do you suggest using to cope with disappointments?
Samantha <3


About The Author

First time parent to an incredible little boy residing in Northern California. I hold my M.A. in Education with a Specialization in Culturally Responsive Education. My mission is to consistently provide helpful content for other parents to draw from. Parenthood is ever-changing! I look forward to sharing my experiences with you and hope that my posts are insightful.

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